I know it

My cousin Jeneice Lynn Ikirt died in her room a few weeks ago.  She was only 21 years old.  Her death has torn my heart.  This is my second cousin to die tragically.  I guess I shouldn't say that.  All death is tragic.  I hate death.  It leaves us with such loneliness.  I use to look at it as a way of escape.  A way out of the miseries of this world, but not anymore.  It's wicked.  Death is darkness and there is no peace in darkness no matter how pleasant it may seem.  Some people embrace darkness. I use to.  I use to, until I became aware of its deception.  It is not my friend.  It is not a place to go to get away from the pain.  It is the place that causes it.  It is what rips the hole in our soul.  So, on second thought, I will not say she died.  She is sleeping.  Death did not take her.  I believe Jesus took her to be with Him.   He is alive and so is she.  We are the ones left lonely, because we forget this or do not know it, or choose not to believe it.  Some of us let the pain eat us away, because it is better than being numb.  Others seek out the numbness.  But that really is death, isn't it?  Numbness is death.  And so we actually do have walking zombies in this world.  Those that walk around dead.  I use to be one of those searching out drink to ease the pain.  I don't want to be one of those again.  However, sometimes the loneliness is So intense that I find myself searching out zombie land.  It is so easy to be deceived.  It is so easy to turn to Him and yet it is so easy to forget to.  What is easier-grabbing that drink, taking that pill or opening the book?  Grabbing the drink or taking the pill is so much easier, because opening the book hurts like hell. When you do so, you stand face to face with your demons.  They can be nasty little buggers.  Then also, you stand face to face with your God.  And the fear of Him can make you tremble. When we don't hear from Him, when we don't listen, when we want the pain to immediately go away-to feel better right now- then we find ourselves in the Hotel California.

'Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said "We are all just prisoners here, of our own device"
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast ...'

But Jesus did.  The hole can only be filled by Him.  Only Him.  It doesn't take much to embrace Him. and yet it is so hard to do.  He stands there with outstretched hands accepting you no matter what.  And yet it is so hard to do.  Because to do so means we have to trust that He won't hurt us.  And we have been hurt so many times before that we don't believe that he really loves us. We don't love ourselves.  And yet we want pleasure for ourselves.  It comes down to faith.  You have to step out in it, even when it doesn't feel natural to do so.  Our natural tendency is to curl up in a ball and find a way to go numb, let ourselves get kicked down again and again or to fight like hell on our own accord until we collapse from exhaustion.  You have to feel the pain on its own.  All of it.  You have to feel the heartache.  And then you have to literally Give It Over to Him.  Trust baby, trust.  Do I do this?  Not always.  It usually has to get bad before I 'remember'.  How easy we forget.  But once I turn to Him, He takes me back in His arms and I know it will all be OK.  I know it will.

He took her.  She didn't die. I know it.  He took her, because she loved Him. He is alive and so is she.  I know it.

Bah Humbug

I don't know why I'm sending this out into the world. Guess I'm just tired of keeping things all bottled up. Haven't been a good Christian lately. Been struggling a lot. Getting confused by doctrine. I wasn't saved through a particular church. I was saved by Jesus. He brought me out of a dark hole. I was not brought up in a church, although, I went to church occasionally when I was young, not consistently; just occasionally. At about thirteen I found myself on the path to Wicca- witchcraft. It followed Science, which I loved. And so it fit with my 'beliefs'. I studied and participated in witchcraft throughout high school, college, and up until my oldest was about three. The more I studied the more logic began to kick in. I realized that if everyone was right, then no one was. If truth was relevant, then there really wasn't any truth and every ones' beliefs were just made up. Nothing was real. Therefore, in my mind nothing mattered. You live, you die, and worms eat you. That idea made me extremely depressed. I spirled down into a suicidal hole. Looking back I might have been suffering from the baby blues too. I don't know... What I did know was that I was not a good daughter, wife or mother. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't be better. If survival of the fittest was right, then I was definitely not the fittest and I would do everyone else good by not being here anymore. I had had thoughts of running my car off the road and making it look like an accident. Various thoughts went through my mind. One day I was sitting in the bathroom trying to get the courage to take a razor blade and slice my neck. I was So mad at myself, because I was too scared to do it. I remember feeling like a failure and a wimp, because I couldn't end my life. I remember yelling out to this "pseudo-God" as I had thought. I said, "If you are really there then prove it, because I just ain't feelin it." The next day I came home from a very difficult day at work. I was on the verge of collapse. My husband, who had not had a job and had been taking care of our kids at home while I worked was there for me. He knew I was on the brink, and he made the decision to take over. Now, I was brought up with the idea of a strong female role. That I should not rely on any man for my supper. And if you lived in the 60's, 70's or 80's there is a great likely hood you were brought up like that too. The idea that I should make the decisions in my family was permeated throughout our culture. Women should not rely on a man. And so I had lived my life that way; taking control, bringing home the bacon, frying it up in a pan... I felt guilty leaving my kids to work and I felt guilty if I was to stay home. Guilt permeated inside of me no matter what I did or what choices I made. But on this day my husband stood up to me and told me how it was going to be. Thank God there are still cowboys in this world. I was going to stop my high paying career, and he was going to get a low paying one. He told me I was to spend some time with my kids, even if we didn't have the same standard of living that I was use to. Instead of arguing, I relented. I was too tired to fight. It felt good to give something over to my husband. It felt good for him and for me. God was in this, but I didn't know it yet.
We moved out of the big city to a small town. I began to experience God in supernatural ways. I know some of this is going to sound crazy. Some people will think I am, especially with the suicidal thoughts I had, but I know these things are real. You see, I did not believe in God AT ALL. I believed only in Science by this time. I was a sceptic. I questioned everything. Then these unexplainable coincidences began to occur. I began seeing signs that answered questions I had. I was talking with my husband in the car. I was saying we should have bought a lottery ticket. He was saying no. There before us the license plate of the car in front of us had the words shduv1 on it. It said- should have one! right when we were taking about it. My husband had decided to go to truck driving school. I did not want him to do this and was arguing with him about it. I come to a four way stop and there in front of me is a huge purple Freightliner with the word FAITH written on it. He is now truck driver and owns a Frieghtliner. I began to see Jesus signs everywhere. If it was just these two I would say, "yeh right." I would have questions in my mind and I would see a sign pinned to a tree with scripture references. They would answer the exact question I had asked in my mind! There are many many examples- too many that after a while I began to think it was more than coincidence.
My son had stuck pennies into my radio. Now I do not know the mechanics of a radio, but I think- not sure- that these pennies caused my radio to mess up. It would get stuck sometimes where the button wouldn't change the channel. I went to blare my radio one day, because I had just had it with the kids and I wanted to drown out their crying and carrying on. I pushed scan in a very angry way and the radio scanned to a Christian station. It would not change. I couldn't change the channel for weeks! If I wanted to listen to music I had to listen to the Christian station. I was SO mad. But soon the Words of the music entered in to my mind. My eye began to open.
One day while I was walking my kids around the block a lady with her own kids in tow stopped to wait for me. Now I had know idea why this lady was waiting for me. I was not a very social person. But I met her and we began to talk. Out of nowhere I asked her if she believed in God. She said yes and so I started telling this stranger these things that had been happening to me. She invited me to her Bible study. It was a CBS Bible study. I began to explore God's Word and argue with it. I argued a lot, but it seemed He always had an answer for me.
While at home going over the study ( I think I was reading in John-can't remember exactly) but I was arguing with God and I said once prove it! At that point someone knocked on my door. I answered it and there was about a 13 year old girl standing at my door. She asked me if I knew Jesus and handed me a pamphlet to let me know how to know him. I quickly and rudely grabbed the pamphlet and slammed the door on her. Then it hit me. Jesus was talking to me. He was knocking at my door. I went to take a shower and I broke. I decided to make the bungy jump and believe, and I begged Him not to hurt me. It has been a roller coaster ever since. There have been time I have felt like giving up. One time I was in my closet crying and begging God to send me help, because I didn't if He was listening to me anymore. the door bell rang right at that same moment. The kids ran to get me. I composed myself, but by the time I came to the door the person was already far down the street walking in the rain away. In the rain with no umbrella. He had long brown hair. I'm not saying he was Jesus, but I took it as answer from Him that he was listening.
When I first started reading the Bible I would have nightmares of demons. I had nightmares when I was kid too. The minute I started believing in witchcraft the nightmare stopped. I don't know why. But when I first started reading the Bible I would hear voices and whispers behind me. One night I was laying in my bed and I 'felt' my kids get into bed with me. My husband is not home night. He is on the road. So I assumed in was the kids. Actually felt them snuggle up to me. I turned to put my arm around them and they were not there. I thought that that was weird and I turned on the light to see if they were on the floor. No one was there. I got that stomach in knots feeling and called my sister, who had been a Christian for years before me. Believe it or not I use to think she was crazy. Anyway, she told me to take authority of it in Jesus name. I went through the house a said: "in Jesus name get out of my house" . I didn't ave anymore problems for a while. Occasionally, if I backslide and begin to doubt and then come back to reading the Bible again these same things will happen. I don't know why.
I'm back sliding now. My dad was diagnosed with cancer in April and I have been on tail spin ever since. I can't get out of it. I go through waves where I am reading the Word, but I have been battling whether I believe the scripture or not. I have been to so many churches- not because I don't like them- but because I want to know the truth. Each church has a different spin on it. I want to be solid in my faith, but I am getting confused with all the differences. I know people say to keep the main thing the main thing, but whether you believe in Calvinism or Armaneism has a lot to do with God's heart. I know scripture says who am I to question God's heart, but I feel like Frankenstein. Been depressed. Been mean to my neighbors-most all of them. Don't know what church to go to. Keep hearing man talking and not God. Want to be a hermit. I've prayed for forgiveness, but I feel so guilty for my words. How can God forgive me if I can't forgive myself. I denied Him yesterday. Because I didn't want my neighbor to associate Christians with people like me. Because I was not on my best behavior. I'm tired and I'm struggling with what is true. My poor kids. Jesus please help them not be as confused as I am. Please lift me out of this hole again. I don't have the strength. I have so tried to be the good Christian and good mother and participate in all the goings on. I really don't know how all these ladies I know can do it I just can't do it. I don't have the energy to do all the "right" things. Can't get out of this hole alone, but I don't want to be a burden either.

Workboxes and RC

Ok, so I don't write much. I know it's been awhile. But I wanted to post my system for the Robinson curriculum and workboxes. So here it is. We have just begun using the RC curriculum. http://www.robinsoncurriculum.com/ I love it! I do not subscribe to everything the curriculum entails. He gets into details about what the kids should eat and how much tv, computer ect.. they should have. Although I agree less is more on those fronts, I have not eliminated those things entirely. What we have done is use the idea of independent learning. He has a book list, the actual books, a grammar, spelling and vocabualry program on his cds. All the books are public domain, so you don't actually have to purchase the cds from him. But I think the grammar, spelling and vocabualry exercises that are included on the cds are well worth the price. I printed out all the vocabulary exercises and flash cards, which I must say is a lot. However, I wanted to have it done and easy to grab when needed. I grab a worksheet( that is in the yellow box on top) and put it in their vocab box. I printed out the grammar lessons and bound a grammar book for each child. I printed out the checking book for grammar, so the kids can check their own work when done. This is how it goes: Each child has their own set of boxes. Each box is designated as a subject. Our subjects are writing, reading (RC), reading (mom pick), vocabualry, grammar, math (which doesn't fit into a box. I set it on the space in the cabinent.), and music practice. I also have some extra boxes if I want to add subjects later. But for right now we are sticking ONLY to the basics. I used shoe boxes and shoe holders to create the system. It is in the kids hallway and I got the dark color so that it matches our furniture. It doesn't stand out too bad. The three white boxes in the middle hold their supplies, pens, clay, glue, rulers, ect.. One of the white boxes has cards in it I made with directions of what to do. I can put these in their boxes if they need cues of what to do. The kids begin a subject in the morning. All the boxes start off with the lids off. As they finish each subject they put the lid on the box. That is all. I can look very quickly and see if they are done with their work. If the lids are on, they are done. If the lids are off, I know where they are. For math, they put the math book on top of the notebook if they are done. If they are not done, then the notebook goes on top of the math book. Easy peasy!!! With Robinson you stick with the basics- reading, writing and arthimetic. I can always add subjects for fun if I want, but the majority of the time we do these. Now of course vocabulary, spelling and grammar are all under writing in our homeschool. I use IEW for writing. I put lined paper and IEW paragraphs into a floppy notebook like this so it easily fits into the box.

Spelling and vocabulary go hand in hand. The program comes with exercises for vocabulary. The vocabulary goes with the books they are reading. I use the same words for spelling lists. We use the matching sheet that comes with RC for a weekly vocab test on Friday and then I give them a spelling test on Sat using the same words.

We use Saxon for math, which is recommended with the program. The grammar book has exercises that follow the books they are reading also. I love it! I wish I had done this a LONG time ago. Don't let the sugar and tv thing scare you away from this curriculum. There is a lot of value in it. I can now get my housework done and the kids know what to do each day. They start themselves, check themselves, and finish themselves. I periodically check them to make sure they are doing what they should and that they are on track. I have become more of a guide and disiplinarian and the books, curriculum and themselves have become the teacher. I think it creates better study habits for them. They know they will be tested by mom through narration of the books, their writing and vocab and spelling tests. So, they are motivated to get it done. Plus they have to get all subjects finished before they can play for the day. So, they are really motivated to work hard so they have free time in the afternoon. I also wanted to add as far as reading is concerned...We follow the RC list of books for one hour each day. The second hour of reading is a mom pick book. Now this is where I can add in subjects-like science and history or art appreciation. See? Mom pick box allows me to add what I want them to learn. I would like to add geography, but I can't seem to find the time. Maybe once we get this system going I can pick a day to add this in. We'll see...Some days I may want to do art with them. So I may be able to switch up a box. We'll see... There are only so many hours in a day. My kids, starting this at 10 and 11 years old, need to get their basics DOWN PAT. I think this curriculum will allow them to do just that. No more playing around with various subjects. They will have plenty of time for fun in the future. Right now is critical for me to get these basic in their brains! They are growing up so fast. I do wish I had started this earlier, but we will begin from here. One last note: I am not going to be printing and binding all these books. I have done some, but I just purchased each child a Kindle and we are going to load the Kindles with the books. It is better for their eyes than the computer and it will save me time and money in the future on ink and paper. Ink can add up. Also, with the Kindles we can all have a copy of a book and read together in the evenings. Bible study and family reading time will work well this way. They can follow along with what I'm reading, because everyone will have a copy of the book. If you decide to follow this curriculum have fun with it and make it your own. It is pretty versatile.

Homeschool Week 2

oh! What a week! We began our new fall schedule last week. I had it all planned out. I had written out EVERYTHING: chores had a time schedule, each subject was timed, extra curricular classes were in their time slot. I was ready. Week one came. It was hard. We had to adjust. I received resistance from the kids. They did NOT want to be scheduled! We went to all our activites, did all our homework, and performed all our tasks. There was complaining. We got through. Then came week two. It started on Sunday. Aidan got sick. Fever of 101.7 with Tylenol. This week nothing on the schedule has been accomplished. Aidan has been sick for five days now. The fever is gone, but the cough remains. Now it seems as if his sister is getting it. I realized today that I have control of nothing, except how I react to the situation at hand. This is the time when I need to give it to God. We can make plans, schedule our time, but ultimatly we are not in control of how those things are carried out. After week one I was burnt out. I think the kids were too. So, that brings me to question of: What is important? In life, in education, what is important? We say God is important. But, do we live that out? Do I live that out? Not always. When things get messed up do I really turn to Him? I pray. Sometimes my prayer goes like this: Help Me, Help Me, Help Me. But am I really turning to Him. Am I enjoying being in His presence? Am I just saying Help Me and then going about trying to contol the situation, or turning on the tv and giving it up? I think I do give up, but not always do I give up to God. I give up the tv or computer or some other enjoyable activity. I do something to take my mind off the stress I feel. I don't turn to Him like I should. How to be alone with God- that is the question?

The Bike Hiest

The kids got their bikes stolen yesterday. We don't have a garage, so they keep them on the side of the house. They went to ride them and now they are gone. The bike thiefs probably got them while we were gone at the coast. It is puzzling why someone would steal a kid's bike right before Christmas. The person must be very desperate. I pray for that person. I hope the bikes can make someone else very happy this Christmas. The kids were first in shock and then disapointed that their bikes were gone. However, this experience I hope will lead them to appreciate what they have and to know that material things are fleeting. Matthew 6:19-23 talks about not storing your treasures on earth, but in heaven "where moth and rust do not destroy, and where theives cannot break in and steal." This is a good lesson for us to remember.

Wonderful Weekend

Had a great weekend at the coast. It was really cold, but the indoor pool was warm. It was the best time to go to avoid the crowds. We had such a nice family time. We really needed it. Might make this a Christmas tradition.

New Day

God is Good. It's been a long two weeks without my husband home, but I'm seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have never been diagnosed with depression before, but I know I suffer from it. Maybe, it's just my hormones going wacky every so often. However, when it slips into my heart, it is hard to get rid of on my own. Prayer helps me a lot. Getting to the point of prayer is difficult when stifled with saddness. But if you can get there it makes all the difference. Sometimes it takes just a small step to change the power it has over you. A step such as: turning off the tv, and opening the Bible. Turning to a christian webpage instead of facebook. Or getting dressed as soon as you wake up in the mornnig instead of lying in bed lettting the walls close in around you. It's a good thing that I'm not allowed to wallow too long in the hole. My kids make me have to come out of it. I know they need to do their lessons and I know I need to get the lessons together for them. They need breakfast, lunch and dinner. And so I pull myself up and reluctantly step forth to brave the world wanting all the while to get back in bed and wallow. It seems that the depression comes more often when I am isolated and when I am not busy. But sometimes it comes when I'm too busy. So, I pray for a balance in my life. I pray for a balance that can make me stronger and a better example to my kids.

Peace

I need peace in my head today. I question and question and feel so unsettled. The pastor spoke about Hannah and how she prayed. She poured out her heart to the Lord for her desire. I need God so much. Although, I don't know what my prayer is for. I'm not quite sure what my desire is. The saddness comes into my heart and doesn't go away for long. I have everything I need. Beautiful kids, a wonderful and thoughtful husband, caring parents, and an understanding sister. Why do I so often feel sad? Why do I feel so paralized to change? Why do I feel so alone? Lord, I pray for peace in my soul and for joy in my heart and that that joy will extend to others.

Sloth

An object at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts upon it.

Disorder

You can always tell the state of my mind if you look at the state of my house. And right now-It's a mess.

Ok, I had some carrots and celery and a few frozen potaotes. What to do? Make a soup. So I looked up celery on the internet and found a recipe. Now, I hardely measure when I cook, but I found out the ingredients and put them together. I made two soups, a carrot soup and a celery soup. The carrot soup is made with chicken broth, potatoes, carrots, onion, dry ginger and some butter. I added some fresh parsely from the garden. The celery soup is made with celery, carrots,onion, potatos, cumin, curry powder, thyme and the recipe called for an apple. But I didn't have any apples ,so I put a little orange juice in there to sweeten it. Of course salt and pepper both. Well, I went to blend them and the celery soup became a disaster! I accedently blended up the little plastic top on the blender. It fell into the soup! So, I had to throw that out. Bummer. Oh well, it may not have been good anyway, because of the orange juice instead of the apple. Anyway, the carrot soup came out well.

Ahh! Work, work work. The kids are busy today. They have been working on capacity in their math books. They really got into it. Water was everywhere. But I don't think they will forget ml and Liters! Aidan said he felt like a scientist measuring everything. I need to start doing some science activities with them, but when to fit it in is the question. I have been reading a lot about Charlotte Mason lately. I like her ideas, but getting away from workbooks is hard for me. We have been using Rod and Staff. It is such a thorough program. I am afraid I would forget to teach something without those books. But oh! to have hours of exploration would be nice. It takes them so long to finish their workbooks. We don't always get outside. Maybe I need to stop reading Charlotte Mason- I'm feeling torn.

Now That's A Bag of Oatmeal

Little did I know when I joined a grain co-op that we would be surviving off it. With my husband making less and less money per week and being gone so much, I have had to be really creative with meals. Thank you God for Wheat and Oatmeal! I must say I had no idea what fifty pounds of oatmeal looked like until I picked this up from the drop off point! Now, I am going to split it with a friend, but still...it's a lot of oats! At the rate things have been going I think it will get used. The wheat, which is under the oats in the picture, has been really allowing us to make ends meet. I have made bread three times a week along with some cookies, waffles, and muffins. It has filled my family up. And we haven't had to purchase much at the grocery store, except for eggs and milk. I am so glad I had had my freezer stocked with frozen veggies before all this happened, especially bell peppers. I had bought two big bags of them at BJs in June. I didn't use much of them until this squeeze. Now I put them in everything, pasta, potatoes, rice and meatloaf. They give flavor and vitimins that we need. We sure aren't losing weight on this budget. Healthy foods are so expenseive. Fresh vegtables add up. Eating potatoes, pasta, bread and beans isn't going to make you skinny. That's for sure. But it will save you a dollar. My garden didn't come in real well this year. My tomatos are still green! We have eaten a little bit out of it, not as much as I would have liked, though. What has helped us is the food I had stocked up on before all this. For example, things are really dwindling in the pantry, but I did have a can of stewed tomatos, a can of black beans, a can of corn and some frozen spinach. I also had some really yucky Cambell's Select soup that I didn't toss after tasting the nasty stuff. Thank goodness I didn't throw it out, because it, along with the other cans, gave us a wonderful bowl of soup. I also added a little extra garlic and Pace Picante sauce. It turned out real well and it was easy. With all this bread baking, homeschooling and cleaning I need some easy meals. I even have some left over for another meal. Just realized I'm out of milk and eggs. Been going through those really fast. I guess I'm going to have to go to the grocery store. Got to have milk to go with oatmeal in the morning.:-)

I wanted to post some pictures of our last week. Also, I had made the most perfect bread and wanted to remember it. I tweeked it from a recipe I got from a lady named Clara on youtube. She makes a bread called Depression bread. No measuring!! Here I was trying to get the best bread recipe- measuring things out to the tee. And this lady pours a whole bag of flour into a bowl, adds some yeast to the middle and keeps adding water while kneading until she has a dough. Lets it rise. Puts it in pans. Lets it rise again. Then bakes it at 350 until crispy on top. Ta Dah! Depression bread. I tried this with my own grinded wheat flour mixed with a little bread flour. I also added a little sugar and salt. But I didn't measure a thing and Ta Dah! Wonderful bread! The other pictures are of a butterfly funeral the kids had. Aidan accedently hit a butterfly while swinging his tennis racket. No really, it was an accident. He was devastated. They nursed it as long as they could, but then it died. So they decided to make funeral. It was a big production. Let me tell you! Now they think they are BUG SAVORS. Brianna has made business cards. Yesterday, when we went for a walk she began handing out her business cards to people on the trail. What surprised me... was that some people thought it was for real and asked for the website and phone number! BB said that her mom wouldn't let that information out.

"It's finally fall, Aidan. You can tell". I hear my little girl exclaim to her brother as they run to get their long sleeve shirts on. Yeh! I love the fall. And it is about time!!! I am just not a heat person. I'm sitting here wanting to play, but knowing I have work to do today. I have all their boxes ready to go. Each filled with a subject. They have art, reading, vocabulary, math, spelling, memory work, History, correcting, and a chore to do. These are their time sheets. I decided to go with this instead of a scedule strip. Each box gets a number. When they get done with their box they put the number on this poster board. As you can see there are yellow tags on the poster already. The tags are their breaks. They get a ten minute break, a snack break, a lunch break and a recess break in between their boxes. Once they fill in the empty squares with their numbers they come to a break. Sometimes I have allowed them to schedule their own breaks after they have seen their filled boxes. This works well, because it gives them a little choice in the matter. My biggest struggle with the box system is my own laziness. I HAVE TO MAKE SURE I FILL THE BOXES EVERY NIGHT or early morning. Also, timing can be a problem. We have had to rearrange break times or haven't finished all the boxes in a day. See, unexpected errands come up. Then it throws us off. I'm still trying to figure out how to work that. For example today is a beautiful day! The boxes are filled. I want so bad for the kids to enjoy the beauty of this day a bit before they get started on their boxes. But they have drama class at 2pm. Already, those two things throw a wrench into getting their work done. I guess that's when I have to decide what is the priority. Is it savoring Gods creation or preparing God children to serve. They are both important. And each day a different decision will have to be made. But for today... we will first...savor this wonderful weather. For today is the day God has made.:-) We should rejoice and be glad in it!

WorkBoxes!

Ok, I jumped on the bandwagon and began this school year with the workbox system. Totally unexpected. We had plans this year of having the kids do Classical Conversations-our homeschool co-op. Classical has been my accountability for the last five years. We meet every week and the program is structured as a guide to what subjects to teach the children each year. You know what to expect each week. Here I was at the beginning of August getting ready to plan my CC year. We only had half a payment to go. I had other curreculum lined up on my budget for math, reading, spelling ect. (Not to mention the gymnastic class, football and drama class I wanted them to participate in this year.) I was excited, too, because this would be the first year since homeschooling that I would not be tutoring for Classical Conversations. In previous years I had tutored in order to have my kids in the program. The money I would make from Classical paid for my kids. Well, last year we had saved tuition money and we made the decision for me to spend one year not tutoring, so I could see how my children are in a classroom setting. I had never before been able to be in their classes, because I was always teaching. So, I really thought this year was going to be good and allow us to bond closer as a family. We were finally able to afford for me not to tutor! And then...BOOM! All my plans died. My husband lost his designated load ( he's a truck driver for those that don't know him) A designated load is a load that is the same each week. Every week we knew how much money was coming in. Every week we knew when he'd be home. Every week we just knew. And it was great! The money that had been saved for all my BIG PLANS has ended up paying for mortage, car payment, bills and Big truck expenses. WHY!!! I asked God. Why? I thought I was doing YOUR WILL. I thought you wanted me to homeschool-to bring the children up in your ways- to prepare them to make you known. How can we do this without money! So, go the thoughts in my head. No more curreculum, no more books, no more CLASSICAL... Oh! Misery. What to do, what to do. I had no plan. Me. Without a plan. I love getting my little notebook out and planning away. Not always do I stick to the plans, but there is a plan none the less. And now school should be starting and NO PLAN! All my plans had money involved. NO MONEY, NO PLAN. It's a test. I know it. It's a test- and it is SO HARD. I'd like to say I turned to my Bible and began reading, but that would be a lie. I turned to the internet. My mind was in chaos. My thoughts were a jumble. I began exploring ideas. :-) (Let's just go all the way here.)
God's Word is the rock we stand on and everything has to line up with it. I believe he also uses other mediums to guide us to his Word, such as books, computers, people, ect..(Let's be clear..not mediums as in fortune tellers-that's not the medium I'm talking about here) Anyway, in my exploring I came upon the Workbox system. (A friend had actually, mentioned the name once and I googled it.) I'm sorry to say I haven't bought the book yet. But by reading what others have said I was able to figure it out. Hmm? I thought. Boxes. Boxes are organized. Boxes are cheap. Boxes can help you plan...I need a box. I need to just go sit in a box and maybe it will all go AWAY... Uhh? Thoughts of the grave just went through my head. OK maybe that's not a good idea. Not that kind of box!!! Boxes are compartments that can organize things. I need order. I need a box! And I scrounged up some spare cash and went in search of a box. If I had shoe boxes I would have used those but I did'nt. So, I did have to go spend some money, but not much. I found boxes on sale at Walmart. Five boxes for $3.50. It's a sign! I got 24 of them. I went home to put my thoughts in a box. I went through all my old curreculum and found old workbooks that the kids never completed. I found old books that the kids had never read. I found coloring books, computer programs and craft projects that they had never done. Hmm. It was time to clean house. We needed to finish things not finished. We needed to do what hadn't been done. Prayer. We need a lot of prayer. And here sits the Bible. It needs to be read. No curreculum stands up to it. But I just can't put it in a box... It is THE BOX.

Rain

I love the rain. The rain canceled runner's camp today. Not that that was good, but it left me with an unplanned day. So, guess what? We are spending a cozy day at home making cookies, catching up on homework and reading books.

These are the cookies we made. There is no flour in them. They are made from oatmeal alone. Came out looking a little funny, but they sure taste good. Aidan gave them a B+ and Brianna gave them an A+. But they are both begging for more.

Yesterday, we ate from our garden for the first time this summer. The kids helped me pick the lettuce. I also had one banana pepper that I chopped up and put in it. Tomatoes haven't come in yet. Here's the salad we made...

Today is the anniversary of D-day. Remembering my Grandpa Joe today. He was one of the 82nd airbourne paratroopers who glided into the beaches of France at night so the enemy wouldn't hear us coming. But, he got shot in the head that night. They put a metal plate in his head and he went on to perform seven more missions.

He received 2 bronze metals, 2 purple hearts, and a silver star.

My grandfather was 1/2 Apache indian, and he fought with bravery for his country.

My family and I are proud to call him grandpa and we will never forget what he did for the cause of freedom. We love you Grandpa Joe.

Nice Easter

We had a real nice Easter this weekend. I had been so worried about not having a lot of gifts and candy for the kids. I remember as a child waking up on Easter morning and having some very beautiful Easter baskets with toys and candy. My mom would make us get up very early and we would find a church that would have sunrise service. We would go to that and then find a brunch to eat at. I remember those traditions as a child fondly. I have tried to recreate them in my own home, but it never seems to work out. This Easter I had meant to get the kids a gift for Easter morning, but I'm never by myself. Since David is gone all week, it is just me and the kids. So, it was impossible to get them anything during the week. When David got home on Friday it was too late to really go to the store, because we went to church that evening. On Saturday, David and Aidan had a father and son football game, which went very well. They had lots of fun. After that we had errands to run, and we were going to separate in the store to pick up goodies for the kids. Well, there I was in the Easter isle. David had told me I could not spend much money. I look around and it was a mad house. Parents scrambling for the last remaining white chocolate rabbit. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. God was screaming to me at that very moment that this is not what Easter is about! I left the area and found my family in the store looking at socks, which is exactly what we all needed. We don't need candy, we don't need toys, we need socks. All our socks have holes in them. So, we bought socks and I went home and cried. I cried, because I just didn't want to disappoint my children on Easter morning. I cried, because I couldn't live up to the traditions my parents were able to give me as a kid. I cried, because I forgot what Easter is about. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. He showed me that Easter is about being with Him and being together. So, we read a book together and I sent the kids off to bed knowing I had nothing for them to wake up to in the morning. So, I sat there on the couch and it occured to me that I could make them something. I had wool from my new hobby-felting. I decided to felt them a little rabbit. It came together well. They each got a rabbit and David went up to the grocery store and bought two small chocolate rabbits. We put them in an old Easter basket that we had already had. When the kids woke up in the morning, they were very excited about mom's homemade rabbits. It really didn't take much to make them happy. My kids read the Bible about the tomb being empty and we made a wonderful breakfast together. We had went to church on Friday so we decided that we would stay home together and enjoy the day the Lord had made. We are very blessed. I thank God for showing me truth when the world tries to mislead us.

New Day

I feel like today is a new day. We are changing our studies to new things this week. I'm hoping to get the kids out into the garden a bit if it stops raining. I hope we can plant some lettuce and peas. We worked all weekend on designing our new garden layout. It's going to give us more room. It was hard work, but worth it.